Dearest readers, let's take a walk; a walk down Spice Lane...... Many years ago, back when Honeyz were a force to be reckoned with, five feisty young girls took over the entire world (or, "Spice World" - as it bloody were). With their unique blend of Simon Fuller management, Geri Halliwell, Emma Bunton, Melanie B/G, Melanie C and Victoria Beckham are responsible for some of our generation's finest pop recordings. With this is mind, and with talks of the girls reuniting for a 2006 world tour, SPUNK MAGAZINE proudly presents: the Spice Girls, VIVA FOREVER: A Retrospective. A bit like when the V&A did Vivienne Westwood, but for pop music. Before we go on, we should point out that this aint just any old re-hash of the girls' glory days as the planet's leading girl-band, no no no, this is the real thick of it - the fascinating craftsmanship that so superbly squeezed into every beautifully packaged album released with the Girl Power seal of approval: THEIR SOLO WORK!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHGHHHH, SO EXCITED!!!11!!1111!
Hold on to your platforms, cuz here we bloody go:
This was the first release by a solo Spice, after Geri left her band-mates to carry on as a four-piece, but let's not mention the whole Forever fiasco. Schizo-phonic came in two different packages, one white, showcasing Geri's soft, tender, ballad side. Another, red, putting forward the fiery, sexy-in-bras, power-tunes-Geri that we all knew and loved. Genius. 
"LOOOOOOoooooK AT ME", moaned Geri on her first solo venture. Accompanied by a dramatic black and white video, in which the 'old union jack' Geri was put to rest and where the 'new, friends with george michael serious artist re-inventing herself' Geri was born, the first single off Schizo-phonic topped the charts! 
What followed can only be described as a disjointed amalgam of conflicting imagery, all voicing a desperate need for subsisted global recognition. Second single Mi Chico Kachino jumped on the then-popular (what were we thinking) latino craze. Geri was seen canoodling around a mediterranean love-boat with a bevy of scantily-clad homosexuals (a Pink Pound's milkless tit from which she dry-sucked the very livelihood it usually comes associated with - but more on that later). Although Kachino charted well, it seemed the Album was quickly disappearing from the charts... In came third single Lift Me Up.
...This was the first sign that something may be really wrong with Geri Haliwell. As in, medically. Not only was the single's success based entirely on her sudden romantic link with lame, washed-out, fugly ginger, ex-radio dj chris evans (if you're gonna lie about dating someone to make money, pick someone fit! or at least popular), but the video was an INEXPLICABLE STINKER. Lost on the open road, on board a blue convertible car, Geri breaks down, only to be rescued by space midgets with silver faces. Riiight. Anyway, back to the gays.
"Right everyone, my career is a bit all over the place at the moment, let's put something out that'll really show people what I'm all about!". Cue Bag It Up. A factory of hot-pants wearing men bunnies are BAGGING (do you see?) a wonderful, pink product called GIRL POWDER (do you see... yeah). How self-deprecating! Genius. Well, no it's not. It's bloody desperate, and the album sank so deep it never recovered. Too much money was spent, too many marketing people were hired and fired. Geri's first album failed miserably. Oh well, best go back to the drawing board with a new strategy. A good one! (to be continued...)
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