Wednesday, November 30, 2005

THE HOFF COVERS MADGE: dear God let this be true

From contactmusic.com:

"Former Knight Rider star David Hasselhoff is planning to release a cover of Madonna's 1980s hit single La Isla Bonita. The actor, whose singing talents made him a huge star in Germany, decided to release his latest single for public consumption after being pleased with the outcome after recording it. He says, "It's the one track that gets talked about by my fans, so why not"- "

SPUNK'S AMAZING E-CARDS: now available!



Tuesday, November 29, 2005

DEBBIE HARRY: before bras were invented

Goddess. She is a Goddess.

X FACTOR'S SHAYNE WARD: embarrassing school picture

Parents! Don't drown your unsightly children!! Shayne Ward is proof that ugly kids often make for attractive adults.

SUGABABES: an investigation

First thing's first: Sugababes are an excellent uk pop band, without which the uk pop scene would be a wobbly wobbler. Their 'blend' of intelligent, sexy, urban-pop-music-that-sounds-a-bit-like-dance-music, mixed with their too-cool-for-school attitude and NO SMILES policy secured our interest from the early stages of their career. But as time goes on and the girls grow taller in more ways, we ask: are the albums as good as they used to be? We investigate.

Their amazing first album One Touch was recorded when the girls were only four years old! And it's bloody brilliant. With songs written about their mums, growing up and various sugary fancies of early So Solid estate boys, highlights include first single Overload, title-track One Touch and Look At Me. A definite winner that gets a full 5 Ticks from SPUNK MAGAZINE (one extra Ginger Tick for the Siobhan factor).

Back with a new line-up (boo), Sugababes storm the charts with first single Freak Like Me, which sampled a bunch of other songs in the then very trendy bootleg fashion. Fantastic! Freak was a true pop gem, accompanied by a 'gritty' Sophie Muller video, where the girls play urban vampiresses who seduce So Solid estate boys and kill them, after Keisha and Mutya beat up new band-member Heidi. Besides Freak Like Me, highlights from Angels With Dirty Faces include excellent pop ballad Stronger, Destiny's Child-esque Switch and second single Round Round. Four well deserved Green Ticks.

Third album Three proved just as successful as its predecessor. (Just like its predecessor, however, Three lacked a certain Siobhan quality that we shan't dwell on). First single Hole In The Head was possibly their catchiest to date, subtly sampling previous uk number 1 hit Wamdue Project's King Of My Castle. With sightings of the video for Hole In The Head on America's TRL, the girls and their cash-thirsty team of promoters began what could possibly mark the beginning of a US-focussed strategy that proved detrimental to the Babes' s pop ingenuity. Catastrophe! Highlights from Three include the truly outstanding Situation's Heavy, the slow grower Caught In A Moment and the very dramatic Too Lost In You (who could possibly forget Keisha's bursting "Baby, baby, BAAAAAAAAABY" towards the end of the song). However great an album, some argued that Three contained several fillers. A diagnosis previously avoided on the first two albums... Four Green Ticks.

2005's Taller In More Ways followed on the girls' aforementioned American interest generated by Hole In The Head. Largely produced by Dallas Austin (responsible for many TLC and Blu Cantrell bores), the album lacks the uk grit of their previous 'records'. Highlights are stomper It Ain't Easy, sweet Christina-sings-Beautiful-esque Ugly and brilliant first single Push The Button... but what of the rest of the CD? Well unfortunately not much can be said, besides perhaps that its obvious appeal is geared at Friends-watching, GAP-wearing, pop-hating, hiphop/rnb-compensate-loving Americans with no clue of the true genius contained in those 3.5 British girls. Three Green Ticks resting largely on previous glories.

We at SPUNK can only hope that Sugababes will abandon their quest to conquer the US market, and come back to their genius uk roots. Where they belong. Slightly misunderstood, and always delicious.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

HUNG UP: the making of

Check out the really quite amazing behind-the-scenes making of Madonna's video for Hung Up by clicking the link below. Also, don't forget the hour-long interview with Dermot tonight, 11.05pm, Channel4.

SPUNK xx

http://video.msn.com/v/en-ca/v.htm?g=97c6b07d-2b34-4600-ac9d-bed4684cbadc,987bad13-51a6-45f2-802e-163c7d48fb04&t=c317&f=37/81&p=ENCAmusic_ENCAvideos

MARY-KATE & ASHLEY: ghv2

Greatest Hits? Volume 2? When did this happen?
Clearly us Brits have a lot to learn from the American's far-reaching, capitalist peado market.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

TAKE THAT: "it's now or never" - Mark

Following the roaring success of their recent cringe-fest ITV documentary, Take That have decided to regroup and go on a stadium tour! They're asking for £1.5 million each for this live trip down memory lane, which is a bit much really, but it would allow for Howard to go back to school and finally pass his GCSEs.

Friday, November 25, 2005

GWEN STEFANI: fuck. off.


"Hi! It's Gwen! Harajuku!!!! lol!!! On the 5th of December, I will be releasing the 74th single from my amazing album 'Love. Angel. Music. Baby.' OUT NOW!!! It's really cool and poptatstic, with enough hiphop/RnB to fool the yanks into buying my tihs - that's 'shit' spelt backwards! Like on my anthemic song 'Hollaback Girl'!! Remember?? HARAJUKU Y'ALL!!!!!! Anyway, the new song's called 'Luxurious' and it's got a rap on it. A rap! Like when I collaborated with Eve! That's because I'm so into like, bridging the gap between different music genres, and not whore myself to every single market to ensure my tihs appeals to everyone so i can make millions and endlessly release fillers from my rather quite ropey debut solo album!!! OUT NOW!!!!!!!!!"


Disclaimer: 'Luxurious' does not feature the gap-bridging rap on the album 'Love.Angel.Music.Baby', cause, well we didn't think we'd release so much material from one album and when it came to it, we thought we'd better buff it up a bit. OUT NOW!!!!etc

SPUNK SPINS: Soulwax are from Belgium!


Mostly oldies this week... and not a lot of pop :(

1. The Strokes - Juicebox

2. Sufjan Stevens - John Wayne Gacy Jr

3. Soulwax - Much Against Everyone's Advice

4. Will Young - I Love You More Than You'll Ever Know

5. Alex Kid - Esmeralda

Thursday, November 24, 2005

LOUIS WALSH: quits the X Factor

Louis Walsh has walked out of the X Factor. Tired of being bullied and abused for the idiot that he is, Louis leaves poor Shayne Ward to fend for himself in the ITV competition.

This latest drama surrounding the show follows a string of scandalous turns of events (Maria getting the boot over The Bellefire Sisters, Sharon throwing water over Louis, Sharon offering something "warm, moist and fuzzy" to Shayne, Shayne's dad being a convicted rapist, etc), which all serve to cement this year's X Factor as one of 2005's best television programs. Hurrah.

UPDATE: Louis Walsh has not walked out of the X Factor. Not fully tired of being bullied and abused for the idiot that he is, Louis hasn't left poor Shayne Ward to fend for himself in the ITV competition. This was not a publicity stunt.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

BRITNEY AND CHILD: absolutely no reason not to record a new album!

KATE MOSS: what on earth is she doing?

See the Gak Widow pogo topless and, as it were, off her tits to 'Sheena Is A Punk Rocker' by The Ramones:

http://www.showstudio.com//2005/11/16/kate_moss_400300.mov

UPDATE: It appears the incriminating evidence that Kate spends most of her breathing time completely off her face has been taken off the internet. For those of you who didn't get to see it, there was a very funny bit where she literally smashes her head into a fan. Nevermind.

CHRISTINA GETS MARRIED: mazel tov

Yes, but when is the new album coming out?

BRITNEY'S REMIX ALBUM: writer's block

The remix album is an odd thing. Packaged to entice foolish fans into thinking they're acquiring something new (unless of course the artwork on the cover is a Photoshopped rehash from 2001), these revisited collections of songs often indicate pressure from an artist's record label to just release something. Anything.

Considering that Britney's last two releases before 'B' were a random pregnancy single ('Someday') and a Greatest Hits, we can only assume that Mrs Federline suffers from a terrible, terrible case of writer's block. And don't go sending us angry emails arguing that she's just had a child, "which would obviously slow down her pop productivity". To this, we would argue that Madonna, heavily pregnant, recorded the video for 'Music' and embarked on a world tour a matter of weeks after popping Rocco out.

This said, SPUNK has just 'bought' track 4 of 'B In The Mix', which is a Thin White Duke (Stuart Price) take on 'Breathe On Me', and it's rather good. But is it better than the already excellent original? Is it? Is it though?

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

MADONNA: hot pants worship

A nice picture of Madge from Saturday night's London gig.

ROBBIE WILLIAMS: why Sharleen?

It all started so well with 'Tripping' being the little pop pleasure no one expected, carried on smoothly with a fairly entertaining live performance of new album 'Intensive Care' from Germany, and ended perfectly with the usual handful of fluff documentaries on all music channels. With a number 1 single and album to be proud of, Robbie Williams' promo campaign was successful! Until now.

Not only is his next single ('Advertising Space') a ballad, it's a really bloody dull one. But, guess what! The video is really bloody dull too! And why on earth, out of all the music icons he could have chosen to impersonate in this 3-minute bore-a-thon, did he choose Texas' Sharleen Spiteri?

Monday, November 21, 2005

SCREECHY SCREECH: cake boy?

As we exclusively revealed in our previous post, Will Young's new single went in at number 5 in yesterday's charts. "Not bad!", you might think. Well no, actually it's pretty dire.

Especially considering the little fortune SONY BMG spent promoting big chin as Great Britain's answer to Robbie Williams, with ridiculous "only 2 days to go!!!" TV teaser ads and an equally ridiculous double-sided cd containing the new album on side A, and Charlie Chaplin-esque comedy sketches (?!) on side B.

Fortunately, every cloud has its silver lining, and Will's new single 'All Time Love' is a little beaut that is sure to see him back at the top of the charts, and in the hearts of gays and middle-aged housewives the nation over! Fantastic!

FERGIE: the boys they wanna sex her

CHART NEWS! Highest new entry goes to Black Eyed Peas with 'My Humps' at number 3. We still like the song, but we're a bit grossed out by Fergie's nails in the video. Screechy Schreecherson's screechy 'Switch It On' went in at a disappointing number 5, behind The Aloud at number 4, Westlife at number 2 and Madonna at number 1 for the second week running. Hurrah! Over on the albums chart, Simon Webbe's 'Sanctuary' went in at number 28 (hahaha) and Madonna's 'Confessions On A Dance Floor' is number one... Hurrah!

Sunday, November 20, 2005

X FACTOR: it is apparently Chico time

Yes, it's him.

JORDAN & PETER: children in need

Our televisions, and indeed our little hearts, couldn't quite contain themselves and literally BLEW UP when Jordan and Peter Andre took the stage for Friday night's Children In Need. We therefore missed their rendition of 'A Whole New World' and can only pray to God that it will be released as a single in time for Christmas!

In other Children In Need news: Madonna wore the same hilarious dress she wore in Paris a week ago, read the donation's phone number wrong and then insisted she hadn't. Liberty X made us feel a bit sorry for them as their pending pop doom is clearly imminent, "yes but they're still doing better than Hearsay" etc. Melanie C popped in with some Canadian, sang flat and got the words wrong but we still like her.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

SPUNK SPINS: dacing queen


There would be absolutely no point in us denying we've been listening to anything else this week:

1. Madonna - Get Together

2. Madonna - Sorry

3. Madonna - Push

4. Madonna - Jump

5. Madonna - Everybody (the KoKo remix)

MELANIE C: tops the singles charts! ...

... in Germany and Switzerland!

Go to the site below, click 'music & video', click 'First Day Of My Life', and marvel at the Germans' superior taste in pop music.

http://www.melaniec.net/

ROBBIE WILLIAMS SELF-DESTRUCTS: irony?

"As I settle down to compose this, a missive from the darkest pit of my twisted soul, it occurs to me how ironic (HA! I hate that word! But how very useful it has been for me over the years) it is that here I am, poised to reveal my real and very blackest thoughts for the very first time...

Once I had connived my way into The Gary Barlow Sing-A-Roony Roadshow and forced them to change their name to the far more apocalyptic Take That... my plan could begin. I quickly began to undermine the hapless Barlow's confidence with my hard-won singing and dancing skills, while simultaneously courting the affections of the media by appearing to shout my mouth off at every given opportunity. It pleased me to see him cry like a girl about it.

Quick as a flash, I launched [into the next] phase, which involved deserting my Gollum-y bandmates (more crying, to my eternal delight), following some troglodyte 'rock' band around for a while and pretending to become insensible on various chemicals. Then I simply ceased the pretence of inebriation, and instructed my media underlings to describe the change as a stint in 'rehab'. And voila! A wave of public sympathy that has carried me from that moment onward.

Naturally, I have done my best to test this support, for what evil genius can hold himself back from tinkering with the forces that hold him aloft? But as yet I cannot seem to shake the monster I have created in my own image. I have appeared to strip down to my very skeleton on prime-time television, and nobody minded. I have commissioned tattoo artists to scrawl endless nonsense all over my body, thus ruining the scupltured body that attracted the masses to my side in the first place. They merely requested I refrain from wearing a vest. I have complained endlessly to the press about 'the pressure of fame', 'why I can't find true love' and 'the hollowness of casual sex', and not ONE person has taken me to one side and suggested I shut the hell up.

It is at this point that I must admit to a painful truth. I have no idea how to make these fevered idiots leave me alone. I tried living in America, tried making records that their grandparents would approve of, tried appearing to be a sexually over-driven hump-dog backstage at the greatest humanitarian concert of the modern era, and everyone still loves me. I honestly believe I could crush a baby rabbit under my heel and the ravening meat-heads would STILL refer to me as 'cheeky'.

Which is why I have decided to finally come clean. End this charade, and put the character of 'Robbie Williams' to bed so that I can continue with my life's work. Namely to make the ENTIRE HUMAN RACE CRY! LIKE GIRLS!! Don't say you haven't been warned..."

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

THE POISON LIST: Kate Thornton

At the risk of coming across all negative, we at SPUNK have identified a collective dislike for one Kate Thornton that can no longer go unannounced.

The very sight of this stumpy-necked, slip of a woman makes us want to spew acid down that rancid and abnormally large pie-hole she calls her mouth. Successfully dry-sucking her way to ITV's Saturday night entertainment slot, Kunt Thornton has persistently poisoned our evenings with her shocking lack of talent in hosting live coverage of The X Factor. Rarely have we witnessed such inept cluelessness regarding popular culture and its sensitive audience of informed followers, and for this, we say NO MORE.

Keeping in mind that one Davina McCall is bad enough, SPUNK is seen forced to enter her blonde doppelganger as our first entry on THE POISON LIST.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

JANET JACKSON: cake or death?

It seems flashing her nips at hordes of right-winged yanks has taken its toll on poor old Janet.

Whilst eternally grateful for Control and The Velvet Rope, we at SPUNK cannot deny we've noticed a slump of artistry in the okay-in-parts All For You and the ludicrously filthy Damita Jo.

Will Janet:

a) Tone-up annie style, release a new album and pretend the Superbowl never happened?

b) Go insane, eat until she can't leave her house and release a Greatest Hits double album with an old, non-fat picture on the cover?

We hope it will be option a)

JULIETTE LEWIS: better than Karen O and Pj Harvey put together. At least!

SPUNK loves Juliette And The Licks.

Like a cross-breed between Rachel Griffiths and John Cameron Mitchell as Hedwig, recycled actress Juliette Lewis pushes all our buttons at the same time. She used to date Prad Bitt, you know.

Their album You're Speaking My Language is out now.

Monday, November 14, 2005

TAKE THAT: never forget

Wednesday 16th of November, 9pm, ITV.

So excited.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

JESSICA SIMPSON: naked

Not really. But that should get us a few hits!

Saturday, November 12, 2005

MADONNABBA: "not another Madonna post" etc

Madge on French TV show 'Star Academy' wearing an AMAZING outfit. Hilarious.

Click the link below for more amazing outfits on scary ABBA tribute band's website. http://www.platinumabba.com/Pages/Information.htm

THE CHOIRBOYS: peado's delight

Thanks to the good folks at Universal Classics, this year's strongest Christmas Number 1 threat comes in the form of The Choirboys' cover of 'Tears In Heaven'. We at SPUNK cannot think of a worse treatment of Clapton's all-time classic.

Clearly, S-Club Juniors or even I-Dream would have done a much better job. Gutted.

ACE OF BASE: happy nation

'The Sign', 'Don't Turn Around', 'Happy Nation' and 'All That She Wants'. If you claim to know what real music sounds like, then click the link below and buy this landmark collection of pure 90s euphoria for a ridiculous £7.97! We urge you.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/search-handle-form/026-4314155-5172400

Thursday, November 10, 2005

SIMON WEBBE: a bit like Joey without Friends... crap

Potentially this year's dullest pop release! And we haven't even heard it! Now, that's good journalism.

With an album cover that wouldn't look out of place in Seal's back catalogue ("my head is shaven, I am therefore Holy"), Blue's oldest member does the solo thing.

If the excruciatingly droney tone of his two current singles are anything to go by, SPUNK predicts a stinker in the charts! But then again, Craig David is at number 4.

SPUNK SPINS: flip that tihs

This week, SPUNK loves Zoot Woman and Benjamin Diamond.

1. Zoot Woman - Grey Day

2. Zoot Woman - Hope In The Mirror

3. Benjamin Diamond - Little Scare

4. Benjamin Diamond - In Your Arms

5. Detroit Grand Pubah - Sandwiches

PETE DOHERTY: in drag

London's favourite little crack-whore out on the town.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

U2: discotheque

Remember when U2 were good? And not the self-righteous bores that Q-reading, Dido-loving, middle-aged dads seem to venerate for somewhat unclear reasons...

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

THE DESPERATION OF MIMI: Mariah's boobs

Click to enlarge.

Monday, November 07, 2005

UK TOP40: yesterday's chart today

BREAKING NEWS: Fightstar score a top 20 hit! In at number 20, 'Grand Unification (part 1)' sees Charlie and the boys get their first taste of what Charlie and the other boys used to get on a weekly basis!

In other chart news: highest entry goes to Pharrell and Gwen, whilst second-highest entry goes to Craig David with 'Don't Love You No More' in at number 4, which prompts one to ask the following: Who still buys that shit?

Considering that both the excellent Goldfrapp and the really-quite-good Eurythmics scored lesser chart rankings (at a respective 9 and 14), SPUNK can only assume that the record-buying public of Great Britain is fronted by GHD'd labradors on London daytrips from Southampton.

MADONNA: "I've still got it!"

"lol", what will she think of next?

THE X FACTOR: bye bye Chenai

The X-Factor's Chenai Zinyuku chooses to laugh in the face of her detracters, and starts working hard on 'My New Size 8' for Heat magazine.

Good on you, Chenai!

Saturday, November 05, 2005

MTV EMAS: madonna's leotards rock


It was all very Euro, wasn't it? Even Robbie's stage-dive felt contrived :(

JARED LETO: bland but hot

Jared Leto's band 30 Seconds To Mars is a bit bland (smooth vocals over screechy guitars etc) but that's ok because he is well buff. See their video for 'Attack' here:

http://www.ifilm.com/player/?ifilmId=2680636&refsite=7103

SPUNK SPINS: spinnin' around


It's been a pretty boring week in SPUNK's iTunes library... These little gems have kept us amused.

1. Kevin Federline - Y'all Ain't Ready

2. Goldfrapp - Satin Chic

3. Sebastien Tellier - La Ritournelle

4. Fiona Apple - Not About Love

5. Lindsay Lohan - Confessions Of A Broken Heart (Daughter To Father)

Thursday, November 03, 2005

PEACHES: kick it


We at SPUNK fucking love Peaches. Especially when she makes videos like 2004's 'Kick it' with Iggy Pop. It features Peaches' croth, Iggy's tits, zombies and some fantastic thigh-high boots. Quite possibly our favourite video ever. See it here:

http://www.xlrecordings.com/broadcast/~kickit/

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

KATE BUSH: amazing


Unless you've been living under a rock, or are just completely INSANE, you will be aware that genius popstrel from the past Kate Bush is back with a new album! It is called Aerial, will be released on the 7th of November and is a doucle-cd (which is usually a bad idea but she's been off for 12 years, so we'll allow it). There is a track on the album called Mrs Bartolozzi, which is about a housewife drifting off into a dream world while watching her clothes rotate in the dryer! Amazing!