XTINA: promotes her new album on US trl

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RELEASE IT NOW!!!1111!1111111!!!!!ELEVEN!!!!111111!111!!!

RICKY MARTIN: is so gay

KYLIE MINOGUE: grey gardens

Here is the first sign of a pop princess on her way back to pop glory (if you choose to ignore the Over The Rainbow online single, which we will)... a 'Grey Gardens' inspired photoshoot for Another Magazine: (pic source: trent.blogspot.com)

GWEN STEFANI: sixth single 'crash'

Preggers to buggery and SIXTEEN FUCKING MONTHS after 'dropping' Love.Angel.Music.Baby., bitch is still releasing singles from her tired-arse debut album.
G
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THE NME AWARDS 2006: yeah, wicked!

"Wow, that was so cool and anti-establishment. Like a giant 'fuck you!' to the manufactured crap in the charts. Exept when Sugababes did I Bet You Look Good Etc, what was that about?? I'm so glad the Arctic Monkeys won everything - they are so excellent and credible. Lol! Right, let's pop down to HMV and buy the new Editors album (the critics seem to love it!) as well as Ian Brown's greatest hits cd, yeah, well good, wicked."

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO: tyler james

We once sat on the tube opposite a very good-looking, very over-styled Tyler James, and thought 'ooh, spotted!'. Until we realised the unlikely lord was on the verge of a mini breakdown, fighting hard to hold back the tears and finding comfort in the soothing touch of an older lady (manager? faghag? mother?). But where is young Tyler now? "IN THE DUMPER", we hear you shout.

Well, if he is, we're blaming his record company for the ridiculous biography posted on his official website, which states the following: "If the lads round Tyler's way did anything for a living it certainly wasn't singing; these days most of Tyler's mates are in prison". Mkay then!

BLOODY HELL, NELLY FURTADO: maneater

Listen to THIS, and count the seconds before you forget all about the bad b.o. rumours and hyper-active boxtalks, and become entirely enthralled in the genius that is Nelly Furtado's new sound. Whoa.

LENNY KRAVITZ: absolut sellout

Such great album covers but such poor material over the past five years... Click Here

MIKE SKINNER: aka mike skinner

Now we know some (most) of you will be of the opinion that Mike Skinner belongs under a truck, but we at SPUNK must admit to have always been fond of the wise-cracking pikey.

Whilst being fully aware that all of his songs get unbelievably irritating after a few weeks of incessant airplay on Radio One, new single When You Wasn't Famous is currently still very fresh and, well, brilliant.

SUGABABES: wearing red dresses!!!

Take a look at Sugababes' new video for Red Dress HERE

SPUNK MAGAZINE: a charity appeal

- "I shouldn't be here"

- "I shouldn't be here"

- "Oi! What you f***ing implyin?... well i s'pose I shouldn't be here"

- "That's ignorant, I am peter pan etc"

To help more popstars from the heartache of failure, show your support and send just £2/month to this address: Click Here

DO YOU REMEMBER AINSLIE?

WE BLOODY DO! And how could we forget! Keep Me A Secret was such a great song!

Download it now!

Exclamation mark!

SPUNK SPINS: max martin rules!

What we've been listening to this week at SPUNK HQs:

1. The Veronicas - 4Ever

2. ABBA - Super Trouper

3. Sugababes - I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor

4. The Boyfriends - I Love You

5. Pink - You And Your Hand

THE BRITS 06: what a load of old shite

James Blunt and Katie Melua nominated for best pop? What. Ever.

LL COOL J: featuring her with the fat bum

We sure don't mean to get all Urban Flavaz on your arses, but is THIS the sound of '06?

SUGABABES: it's all gone menudo

We have finally witnessed our first New Line-Up Sugababes appearance on today's Top Of The Pops on bbc2, and we have this to say:

1. Amelle is much prettier than the pictures we've seen online.

2. Amelle's voice is husky, much like Mutya's. But is it as good?

3. Amelle is quite the little bit of fit.

4. Keisha's hair is suddenly huge, which only adds to her superiority and 'queen b' appeal, being the only original member left.

GOD BLESS YOUTUBE

Just like time travel, video hosting website YouTube allows us popsters to relive the better days of music!

SPUNK SPINS: kelis still "a bit Marmite"

1. Pink - Stupid Girls

2. Kelis - I'm Bossy

3. Ne*Yo - So Sick (shameful but true- Ed)

4. Sugababes - Red Dress

5. David Hasselhoff - Je T'aime Means I Love You (not shameful at all- Ed)

KELIS: is bossy

Back with a new 'do and blue poodle, Kelis' come-back single I'm Bossy is a bit marmite at the moment, but we'll give it a few listens and get back to you.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"POPWORLD presenters Simon Amstell and Miquita Oliver are quitting the show after five years at the helm. The double act will host their last programme in April. Miquita said: "I started Popworld at the age of 16 so for me it's a bit like leaving school.

"With Popworld I've had the most brilliant time and I'm so proud of everything Simon and I have done with the show." Simon, 26, plans to continue writing and stand-up and to embark on new broadcasting projects. Miquita, 21, is being lined up for new T4 and Pure T4 projects. New presenters will be announced later this spring and the show will continue in its Saturday morning slot."

(source: thesun.co.uk)

MADONNA'S NEW VIDEO: premieres here

Watch SORRY now

VIVA FOREVER, A RETROSPECTIVE: part I - Geri Halliwell

Dearest readers, let's take a walk; a walk down Spice Lane...... Many years ago, back when Honeyz were a force to be reckoned with, five feisty young girls took over the entire world (or, "Spice World" - as it bloody were). With their unique blend of Simon Fuller management, Geri Halliwell, Emma Bunton, Melanie B/G, Melanie C and Victoria Beckham are responsible for some of our generation's finest pop recordings. With this is mind, and with talks of the girls reuniting for a 2006 world tour, SPUNK MAGAZINE proudly presents: the Spice Girls, VIVA FOREVER: A Retrospective. A bit like when the V&A did Vivienne Westwood, but for pop music.

Before we go on, we should point out that this aint just any old re-hash of the girls' glory days as the planet's leading girl-band, no no no, this is the real thick of it - the fascinating craftsmanship that so superbly squeezed into every beautifully packaged album released with the Girl Power seal of approval: THEIR SOLO WORK!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHGHHHH, SO EXCITED!!!11!!1111!

Hold on to your platforms, cuz here we bloody go:
This was the first release by a solo Spice, after Geri left her band-mates to carry on as a four-piece, but let's not mention the whole Forever fiasco. Schizo-phonic came in two different packages, one white, showcasing Geri's soft, tender, ballad side. Another, red, putting forward the fiery, sexy-in-bras, power-tunes-Geri that we all knew and loved. Genius.
"LOOOOOOoooooK AT ME", moaned Geri on her first solo venture. Accompanied by a dramatic black and white video, in which the 'old union jack' Geri was put to rest and where the 'new, friends with george michael serious artist re-inventing herself' Geri was born, the first single off Schizo-phonic topped the charts!
What followed can only be described as a disjointed amalgam of conflicting imagery, all voicing a desperate need for subsisted global recognition. Second single Mi Chico Kachino jumped on the then-popular (what were we thinking) latino craze. Geri was seen canoodling around a mediterranean love-boat with a bevy of scantily-clad homosexuals (a Pink Pound's milkless tit from which she dry-sucked the very livelihood it usually comes associated with - but more on that later). Although Kachino charted well, it seemed the Album was quickly disappearing from the charts...
In came third single Lift Me Up. ...This was the first sign that something may be really wrong with Geri Haliwell. As in, medically. Not only was the single's success based entirely on her sudden romantic link with lame, washed-out, fugly ginger, ex-radio dj chris evans (if you're gonna lie about dating someone to make money, pick someone fit! or at least popular), but the video was an INEXPLICABLE STINKER. Lost on the open road, on board a blue convertible car, Geri breaks down, only to be rescued by space midgets with silver faces. Riiight.
Anyway, back to the gays. "Right everyone, my career is a bit all over the place at the moment, let's put something out that'll really show people what I'm all about!". Cue Bag It Up. A factory of hot-pants wearing men bunnies are BAGGING (do you see?) a wonderful, pink product called GIRL POWDER (do you see... yeah). How self-deprecating! Genius. Well, no it's not. It's bloody desperate, and the album sank so deep it never recovered. Too much money was spent, too many marketing people were hired and fired. Geri's first album failed miserably. Oh well, best go back to the drawing board with a new strategy. A good one! (to be continued...)

SORRY: madge on skates

LOOK! It's another still from Madge's new video Sorry!
Ooh and that fit chinoise guy with the funny name is still there, excellent! The vid will premiere here at 10pm on wednesday (tomorrow), MIMO.

GOOD GOD WOMAN

We usually stick up hard for Agui's experimental style, but if this doesn't make Heat's Circle Of Shame pages, we'll remortgage the house.

MADONNA: more leotards for Sorry

Sneak peak at Madonna's new video for second single Sorry: Source: trent.blogspot.com

SPUNK SPINS: spunk with a k

1. Kandy Floss - I Want It All

2. Friday Hill - One More Night Alone

3. Dead Or Alive - What I Want

4. Madonna - Sorry (Pet Shop Boys Remix)

5. Tiga - (Far From) Home

PETE BURNS: a lesson in pop

This is gold dust

SPUNK PROUDLY SINGS: we love Friday Hill!

Their first single Baby Goodbye was ok. We liked that Kenzie had ditched The Squad to recycle himself in a much more marketable way, with the help of fellow bandmates Mus and James. The song charted respectably and we hoped to hear more solid pop from the boys very soon. Have they delivered? Yes, they bloody have.

One More Night Alone is quite simply genius uk urban boyband meets acoustic pop, and we just can't get enough of Kenzie's inappropriate 'rapping' and groaning between each (well) sung verse and chorus. Vsist their website, buy their single, and pray that Radio Coldplay will eventuallly add them onto their saggy playlist (somewhere between Arctic Monkeys and Hard_Fi). Friday Hill, SPUNK hearts you big time. FridayHill.com

K-FED: oh do piss off

See Kevin bobbin his silly little head to his first single PapalaZaru.

We could try and think of something witty and cutting to say, but there seems to be little point: it's simply God awful and destined to fail.

Click Here

BOY GEORGE: phwwooaar

KUBB: must-buy music

- "Hiii, I'm Lisa L'Anson, my voice is reeeal smooth and nothing like Radio One's Nemone, and i do incessant voice-overs for any old shit on promo at Asda... AND THIS IS KUBB. Their new album 'Mother' is amaaaaziing. It's full of great songs that are really good and great. I've never actually heard any of them but the tv ads are very convincing. Buy it!"



- "What? Oh ai, KUBB are a fantastic band. Some people speculate the lead singer is really ginger and furiously dyes his hair daily, on the count of all the freckles, but me, Edith Bowman, i personally think he looks very indie, very non-mainstream. Which means good. You can get their fantastic album 'Mother' from Sainsburry's for a wicked £8.99! That's how much my credibility is worth! I'm sorry i must dash now - there's an envelope being openned somehwere in Brixton and i need a new pair of ugg boots to go with my floral poncho. Haggis."