BRITNEY SPEARS: proud enablers

It seems most bloggers want to see Britney's career go down the shitter.

We think she is a better pop star now than she has ever been. Bald, on drugs and waving umbrellas.

And clearly, we're not the only ones. Gimme More is number 1 on the American downloads chart.

Hurrah!

BRITNEY'S BACK ON FORM AND LOOKING HOT

FUCK NERINA PALLOT AND SANDI THOM

"Hi it's Nerins and Sands! We've recorded two really wicked albums for you to enjoy. We did everything ourselves on our laptops in some East London basement and now they're available in Sainsbury's, along with Jade, My Autobiography.

Hey, you can also download them online - it's cool actually cos we think the internet is like, a really great way to share and stuff. Anyway, we've just returned from the Gambia and we've still got little colourful dreads in our hair (as well as flowers! - Sandi) and we also got loads of lovely hand-stitched handbags & purses for our female friends, who we once went down on at Uni but let's not go into that one just yet!! So, basically right, we think war is really awful and we hope that maybe, just maybe, with enough tribal beeds round our necks we might be able to make a difference."

WHAT ARE THE PET SHOP BOYS DOING WITH THAT GIRL?

Hang about... it's not the Pet Shop Boys at all! It's PALEDAY!!

Paleday are good because they don't record political songs about the evil doings of Tony Blair and that American one with his eyes too close together, they sing about having a good time and cool party people and cruising.

We have never been on a cruise ourselves, but you know what, we might just book one online right bloody now! That's the kind of influence Paleday could have on your lives, dearest readers. Do check out their MySpace page and official website.

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

Siobhan Donaghy's back!

HOW TO RUIN A BEAUTIFUL DAY

We're having a wonderful afternoon tidying the office and listening to The Hits digital radio, when suddenly... what's this? A U2 song on our favourite station? Oh well, best get up and flick over to 1Xtra (oh dear!). But wait, Bono's usual death drone seems to be layered with a familiar female voice. Who could this be? A backing singer trying to make a name for herself? No, no it's definitely someone we recognise... and loathe. She's - she's doing gospel on an old U2 song... it's, IT'S MARY J BLIGE!! TURN IT OVER BLOODY TURN IT OVER NOW

MIMI TURNS 36: riiight

Still harvesting the attention gathered from her latest 'comeback album' like a crackhead on the lookout for cheap smack, Mariah was recently spotted out and about (jeans firmly tucked in boots) celebrating her 36th birthday. Now, call us cynical, but hasn't girlfriend been in her mid-30s for about two decades? She certainly looks like it. We miss the days of Charm Bracelet ("of what?" - exactly), when no one bought her music and she totally lost the plot.

JOURNEY SOUTH: are so beige

WILL YOUNG'S NEW VIDEO: "refreshing"

"It's so refreshing to see an artist not take themselves too seriously and coming up with really quite imaginative concepts for their pop promos, rather than the egocentric nonsense found in so many of today's videos. Ooh not so sure about the 60s hair though! But what do I know - I'm just a young housewife with two children hoping neither of them will turn out queer. Now where's that darn garlic press?"

Watch Who Am I here.

SPUNK SPINS: james and corinne can f off

This week, providing a controversial alternative to James Clunt and Corinne Bailey Bore!

1. Jentina - Mysterious

2. Fallout Boy - Dance Dance

3. Kate Bush - Sunset

4. Hot Chip - Over & Over

5. Telepopmuzik - Yesterday Was A Lie