JULIETTE LEWIS: better than Karen O and Pj Harvey put together. At least!

SPUNK loves Juliette And The Licks.

Like a cross-breed between Rachel Griffiths and John Cameron Mitchell as Hedwig, recycled actress Juliette Lewis pushes all our buttons at the same time. She used to date Prad Bitt, you know.

Their album You're Speaking My Language is out now.

TAKE THAT: never forget

Wednesday 16th of November, 9pm, ITV.

So excited.

JESSICA SIMPSON: naked

Not really. But that should get us a few hits!

MADONNABBA: "not another Madonna post" etc

Madge on French TV show 'Star Academy' wearing an AMAZING outfit. Hilarious.

Click the link below for more amazing outfits on scary ABBA tribute band's website. http://www.platinumabba.com/Pages/Information.htm

THE CHOIRBOYS: peado's delight

Thanks to the good folks at Universal Classics, this year's strongest Christmas Number 1 threat comes in the form of The Choirboys' cover of 'Tears In Heaven'. We at SPUNK cannot think of a worse treatment of Clapton's all-time classic.

Clearly, S-Club Juniors or even I-Dream would have done a much better job. Gutted.

ACE OF BASE: happy nation

'The Sign', 'Don't Turn Around', 'Happy Nation' and 'All That She Wants'. If you claim to know what real music sounds like, then click the link below and buy this landmark collection of pure 90s euphoria for a ridiculous £7.97! We urge you.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/search-handle-form/026-4314155-5172400

SIMON WEBBE: a bit like Joey without Friends... crap

Potentially this year's dullest pop release! And we haven't even heard it! Now, that's good journalism.

With an album cover that wouldn't look out of place in Seal's back catalogue ("my head is shaven, I am therefore Holy"), Blue's oldest member does the solo thing.

If the excruciatingly droney tone of his two current singles are anything to go by, SPUNK predicts a stinker in the charts! But then again, Craig David is at number 4.

SPUNK SPINS: flip that tihs

This week, SPUNK loves Zoot Woman and Benjamin Diamond.

1. Zoot Woman - Grey Day

2. Zoot Woman - Hope In The Mirror

3. Benjamin Diamond - Little Scare

4. Benjamin Diamond - In Your Arms

5. Detroit Grand Pubah - Sandwiches

PETE DOHERTY: in drag

London's favourite little crack-whore out on the town.

U2: discotheque

Remember when U2 were good? And not the self-righteous bores that Q-reading, Dido-loving, middle-aged dads seem to venerate for somewhat unclear reasons...